choice

memories fading fast
daunting day

the die is cast

women fleeing

children bleeding

searching for

a long dead past

knife and gun

has a full run

face down a

dying nun

failed to heed

the demon seed

memory

hounded by the memories of a
thousand broken keys
wisps of life dissolving into mist
surroundeed by africanized killer bees
bloody faces
run down tears
ghostly voices
hellish shrieks
another round of Irish beers
all the while waiting by this
dusty door,
musty odor
bloody floor
whore to liberty
hounded by the memories of
a thousand broken dreams
flash before a burned up altars
painfull soul
endless screams
never ending dreams

Looking Above

Above me resonates a picture
Depicting those who understand,
A portal into the recent past
Of forgotten glimpses
But forever remembered
Peeling from the unrelenting sun
Attempting to erase memories
Fading into a normal existence
Fighting the faces that remain
Etched into a broken memory
That not even time could bend
A day when glory failed
And innocence was misplaced
But the picture remains
Life a knife in a back
Reminding me of the loss
Smiling faces full of life
Ignorant by their youth
An unforeseeable outcome
Not knowing the cost of enduring
And yet they sat there still
For a brief unfiltered moment
Unaware of the hand being dealt
The smiles that would fade
And ghosts that would claim
A reckoning already forgiven
Being victims of circumstance
But there is that picture
That most will ignore
And an explanation never given
A justification to never have

Thanks Ebaugh and Daniel
Iraq 2003 - 2004

I Can

I can feel your tender hands
Smothering my body
Caressing hidden places
Forbidden by others

I can feel your soft lips
Tenderly on my back,
Slowly down my spine,
Begging me to twinge

I can feel your heart
True next to mine
While we lay naked
Cuddling each other

I can hear your voice
A thousand miles away
Calling just to say
That you love me

I can feel your soul
Faintly slipping away
Into a desolate mind
Of what-should-have-beens

I can feel your thoughts
Fading into misery
Consumed by despair,
Self-doubt and self-hate

I can feel me ignoring
Everything that hurts you,
Forgetting the reality
Ignoring the God factor

I can feel you crushing
My world of make believe
Like a promise never made
Like a symphony never hear

I can feel you breathe on me
And I could scarcely imagine
Why you would ever
Leave a lady behind

I can't believe
What it's like to feel
If this would be real
But then again I can

mindful meanderings

soft and sweet like
baby fine whispers on
kittens breath
gently settling
on a fresh
goblet of
dandelion wine
leaping bright
into the night
green bullfrogs
and fat pink hogs
tumble over moldy logs
tossing daisy's and posy's
high into the air whilst a
prim and proper
chameleon
shifts nervously in his chair
badger and coon'y
exchange
toothy smiles
as hawk and crow
oversee for miles
as all come round
to sit upon
the warm
inviting ground.

did I tell you

did i tell you
that i loved
you today?
... well
i love
you today!

memory's deception

memory's deception
long ago when summer was old
an epic tale did unfold
of a great and bold warrior
of purest gold
who did bestow on the
tattered fold
a time of peace
of glory told
where there was lost
those skills of war
whose dreadful cost did memory purge
while calm did reign
for a piece of time
until the day upon the verge
where memory failed to warn
what was lost was found
as blood ran aplenty upon the ground.

Touch

Life lives
You and I
Embraced in arms
At night
Holding each other
Words falter
Through breaths
Hesitation exists
In your world
Of criticism
But when together
Laying on you
I feel your heart
Beating
Next to mine
Letting me in
Afraid to feel
Pleasure
Self doubting
Every action
With me
But I don’t need
To hear words
To believe
You want
To be here
Holding me
Unconditionally
When your hands
Wonder
Across my body
Touching me
Inside and out
Leaving me breathless
Wondering why
The harsh world
Would give me
A glimpse of heaven
Then return me
To a cruel world
That exists
Without you
When my heart
Agonizingly
Bleeds for your
Strong hands
Soft on my face
Lips
Breathing life into mine
Fingers
Wondering across
My body
Through uncharted territories
Exploring spaces
Hidden for you

Want

I’ve never been here before
Loving with all my heart
Giving everything I have
And yet I still want
There is nothing better
Than being next to you
Loving you in every moment
And yet I still want
You to love me
The way I do you
Getting what I give
Knowing you feel too
And yet I still want
For you to open your heart
To know that you care
That our feelings match
And yet I still want
Your touch
Your kiss
Your affection
Your soul
And yet I still want
What I can’t get
No matter how hard I try
I will have to learn
That I can’t get what I want

Laying Naked

Laying naked on your bed
I know I shouldn’t want this
But your laugh
Your smile
Your eyes
Make me stay
Laying naked on your bed
I am ashamed to say
That I would rather die
Than go another day
Without you
Against all I know
I long for your touch
Across my body
Exposed
Bare
Vulnerable
To a world that hurts
Except when I’m with you
Laying naked on your bed
Hearts beating
Bodies intertwined
Passion flying
And there I lay naked
In your strapping arms
Hearts together in unison
Making life stand still
And yet I wonder
If you will ever be able feel
The way I do about you
Giving you all of me
As I lay naked on your bed

hunger

hunger
your lips seeking mine
falling headlong into
forbidden love
removed from logic
by the tender caress
of your velvet lips and rosy tongue
as they flick and dance
over my weathered body
bringing life and passion
nearing the abyss
fanciful flirtations
dancing on the edge
butterflies in my chest
wanting your milk white skin
to reflect the brown of my hands
as they dance across pools of sinful pleasure
my mouth cannot take in enough of you
my eyes blinded my ears deafened
fear that i will not please
stretching out to touch your hand
as we pass by
unseen
hunger
for you

Darkness

Darkness surrounds me in the room
My heart beat is smothered by footsteps
In a room built for a child
Pink dolls whose mouths are sown shut
Eyes blackened from the night
Unable to provide the expected comfort
I am completely alone
Another vicious night of sadness
Heaven hath failed me once again
The monster's at the foot of the bed
Wanting to devour me
Salivating for soft flesh
The tears never hit my pillow
And not a sound escapes my lips
It is easier this way
Pretend like the Barbie dolls on the shelf
Allow him to howl at the pleasure
Praying he doesn't rip me to shreds
But no such luck this time
Forever will the darkness surround me

And So Life Goes

All that is given is not all that is gotten
All that is needed is not at all what is wanted
And so life goes
Hidden beneath the blanket of secrets
Fearing what resides
Inside
Me
All that is spoken is not all that is heard
All that is said is not at all what is believed
And so life goes
Deaf ears silenced with hate
Numbing
Me
All that is stolen is never given back
All that is broken is never restored
And so life goes
Without consequence
Pressing
Twisting
Pushing
Pulling
Me

cool breeze

silver shimmering notes wafting across

the air weaving an ebony cocoon.

while mocha and caramel ladies slink past

swaying in rhythm to the sinful reprise
then a cool breeze glides by chilling the air

as souls bounce to a steady beat

drifting towards the small dark man

sitting in the corner a smoky room

smoldering, watching , as heavy heaving breasts
and gyrating round bottoms strain against

ultra thin bonds struggling to escape

piecing together a scintillating scene of pain and discontent

of injustice and sexuality all

waiting for a cool breeze.

layers of herbal essence, and tobacco death

frame writhing angels and keep them from

melting into the bare tables covered in rye and gin

scatting soulful refrains

then cool breeze glides past and

takes his place on the cramped stage

a silver dagger he pulls from his

pocket brings to his lips

bone breaking sadness bleeds around

the edges of a mind

as he enthralls ass within his reach

sucking and blowing with mad delight

sharp quick jabs long cool melodies

reaching deep down to snag lost memories

and painful regrets

the blues ain't nuttin' but a good man

feeling bad

cool breeze

heavens sent

are you gone from
me my heaven sent
now that days have
come and went
did you call
your ever
that whisper,
said of never
that whisper
did fail your call
a bitter pall
with sword and shield
to the anvil wield
where now does
prevail a claxon
a crows hungry
caw
as
sadness grows
in purple and black
tidy rows
the seed now sows
bitter day
of crimson reds and
hanging threads
where lost and lonely
in maddness rent
lay down their
tender heads
to dream of
love's heaven sent

karma

You know I don't want
to hurt you

but I have to go
for the kids you know

for the kids.

I just can't take anymore of
your letting me sleep late

letting me sleep till you walk in the door.

I am sorry
do you understand.

it's just
i don't remember
lying naked

pills in my head
wrapped in plastic
drunken screaming

ambulance drives

escapes from
your psychs office

mandatory commitments
i did try to knife you once

and i am sorry about
all those times i left
but hey

it was because
I just could not stay

intubated where you worked

kinda forget the last 15 years. only know that

I'm not able to have you
around you know

I'm not trying to hurt you
only just go you must.

the kids will understand

you are what happens
when a burn out becomes

husband and father

all used up
nothing left to give
but just a little more

huh
just a little more
oh you need to watch the kids
be a part of their life

well that is
whats right
yeah you know
they still need you

OK
bye now

when morning comes

when morning comes
people will have died
reality as such
will have cried it's
last tear and
we will be left
with a large gaping
hole where once we
knew that when morning
comes the sun would
be golden and the
people would dance
and cheer where
babies sucked
on mum's
breast
and fear and loathing
where only smoky
wisps on a patch of
green and none
could know
the icy hand
of death
when morning
comes

memories and whispers

whispers breeze
fluttering by on
satin lies told
when young and
each day was won
tickles and hugs
of gentle moments
in the sun
these are things
that memory brings
when sitting alone
drinking in that last
memory, savoring it's
purity,
rolling it around your teeth
cross velvet tongues
and ruby lips
praying that this
memory would never end
fallen enthralled maybe comatose
towards a brief respite
an ominous portend
of hellish days and wintry nights
which do blend, ascend and
transcend normalcy
only to have memory
rescind my lonely trend
and disavow my
lady friend
sweet memory
of long dead things
driving me towards
an insane end

emptiness

sitting in the corner of my
dark and empty room
the walls begin to reach
out as the ceiling bends low
gently brushing my tormented
sweaty brow
steadily without
skipping a beat hear i
the most precious sound
the whisk whisk whisk
of my mental push broom
trying hard to forget
that beauty is laying dead
raspy breathing
sticky sweet the
drip drip drip
of my brain dropping out
my eyes do close as i
reach to touch
your full and
succulent lips
a skipping does
occur, the mind
does betray
struggling all
aquiver, hands
reaching through
the fog for the last
chance now past
drops skittering
into the cobwebs
in the corner of my mind.