chastised

How horribly lonely it is in this small space.
behind closed doors waiting
afraid some one will come and have a look in.
so horrible that no one will ever see these thoughts
feel my shame
feel the pain
feel the anguish and torment
that burns synapses and deadens the senses.
how stupid to think that anyone would ever want to understand where I am
much less what I feel.

you are evil and you do not deserve understanding
you did not understand while you were cutting a a broad swath through life.
who are you that you think anyone could ever love you
no! you will always be watched
always be scolded, chided,scorned
derided.
always feel the wrath of the self-righteous.
they will never know nor ever care of what it is you feel.

you should feel more
you should be burdened more
you should be killed and resurrected until the final horns are sounded.
you are truly a man of sorrows.
you are in the place you were born to be
this is your lot in life
this is why you are here
you will never feel Her soft kiss again
never trace Her outline in the dark
never feel Her love,
you are worthless.
you are judged
chastised