withering

and sit
i here
at rivers edge
listlessly staring
barely caring
never
aware of sorrows
glaring
while lifelong
dreams
and joys
rush past
like broken
toys
useless noise
drifting
on currents
unseen
waiting i for
glories untold
and endless
so it seems
till finally
it unfolds
and
i am
old

regret

purple night
wandering amid
the amber light
sitting in the dead
man's chair
soft silky hair
abiding in a life
of wicked strife
terrified

running hiding
someone will see

a perverse stillness

wafting over me.

treasures of light

lost to the night

memories fleeting

despair now greeting

a hapless waif
gingerly seeking
the loving hands
that give no more
strictly speaking
loves dead whore

Aberration

muffled screams
and baby dreams
happy children
running playing
never knowing
what they're saying

flashing smiles
bright green eyes

another way
to hide the lies
loneliness
across the miles
mother father
holding hands
destroying
timeless bands
emptiness and desolation
settling fear amid
desperation
love and joy
a cruel decoy
morph into
an abyssal
aberration

gently rest

twilight upon
the bed
candlelight shifting
the dead
memories sifting
endless night or
sprinkles of daylight
dancing shadows shun
a gentle nun
cradles your head
wishing you dead
inspiration fails
slowly sadly
baby girl wails
they turn away
end is nigh
they turn away
good bye

winters rain

driving rain
washes away
the faces of
the children
cast away
in blinding shame
fingers reaching
never touching
farmers grieving
their fathers lands
like the winters rain
biting stinging
while in
the minds eye
Currier and Ives
refreshing and wild
baby girls sigh
twin boys cry
endless nights
a demented mothers
last regrets while
peace and sadness
stand in chorus
awaiting the riderless horse
figments of
and stolen moments
dart back and forth
in amber light
cries in the night
that no one will hear
seeking
feeling
coveting
that sweet release
which will not come
yet while all is lost
comes near the notion
of an illiterate ocean
of pleasant thought
knows not what the
cost nor how it was
bought
yet pain is what
this freedom
cost no matter
what was wrought
pain searing
like a
winters rain

pariah

running hiding
someone will see
a perverse stillness
wafting over me
treasures of light
lost to the night
memories fleeting
despair now greeting
a hapless waif
gingerly seeking
memories
reeking
fading fast a
daunting day
the die is cast
women fleeing
children bleeding
searching for
a long dead past
knife and gun
has full run
face down a
dying nun
failed to heed
the demon seed
in purple night
wandering amid
the amber light
sitting in the
deadman's chair
gently stroking
soft silky hair
while luring all
within his lair.

choice

memories fading fast
daunting day

the die is cast

women fleeing

children bleeding

searching for

a long dead past

knife and gun

has a full run

face down a

dying nun

failed to heed

the demon seed

memory

hounded by the memories of a
thousand broken keys
wisps of life dissolving into mist
surroundeed by africanized killer bees
bloody faces
run down tears
ghostly voices
hellish shrieks
another round of Irish beers
all the while waiting by this
dusty door,
musty odor
bloody floor
whore to liberty
hounded by the memories of
a thousand broken dreams
flash before a burned up altars
painfull soul
endless screams
never ending dreams

Looking Above

Above me resonates a picture
Depicting those who understand,
A portal into the recent past
Of forgotten glimpses
But forever remembered
Peeling from the unrelenting sun
Attempting to erase memories
Fading into a normal existence
Fighting the faces that remain
Etched into a broken memory
That not even time could bend
A day when glory failed
And innocence was misplaced
But the picture remains
Life a knife in a back
Reminding me of the loss
Smiling faces full of life
Ignorant by their youth
An unforeseeable outcome
Not knowing the cost of enduring
And yet they sat there still
For a brief unfiltered moment
Unaware of the hand being dealt
The smiles that would fade
And ghosts that would claim
A reckoning already forgiven
Being victims of circumstance
But there is that picture
That most will ignore
And an explanation never given
A justification to never have

Thanks Ebaugh and Daniel
Iraq 2003 - 2004

I Can

I can feel your tender hands
Smothering my body
Caressing hidden places
Forbidden by others

I can feel your soft lips
Tenderly on my back,
Slowly down my spine,
Begging me to twinge

I can feel your heart
True next to mine
While we lay naked
Cuddling each other

I can hear your voice
A thousand miles away
Calling just to say
That you love me

I can feel your soul
Faintly slipping away
Into a desolate mind
Of what-should-have-beens

I can feel your thoughts
Fading into misery
Consumed by despair,
Self-doubt and self-hate

I can feel me ignoring
Everything that hurts you,
Forgetting the reality
Ignoring the God factor

I can feel you crushing
My world of make believe
Like a promise never made
Like a symphony never hear

I can feel you breathe on me
And I could scarcely imagine
Why you would ever
Leave a lady behind

I can't believe
What it's like to feel
If this would be real
But then again I can

mindful meanderings

soft and sweet like
baby fine whispers on
kittens breath
gently settling
on a fresh
goblet of
dandelion wine
leaping bright
into the night
green bullfrogs
and fat pink hogs
tumble over moldy logs
tossing daisy's and posy's
high into the air whilst a
prim and proper
chameleon
shifts nervously in his chair
badger and coon'y
exchange
toothy smiles
as hawk and crow
oversee for miles
as all come round
to sit upon
the warm
inviting ground.

did I tell you

did i tell you
that i loved
you today?
... well
i love
you today!

memory's deception

memory's deception
long ago when summer was old
an epic tale did unfold
of a great and bold warrior
of purest gold
who did bestow on the
tattered fold
a time of peace
of glory told
where there was lost
those skills of war
whose dreadful cost did memory purge
while calm did reign
for a piece of time
until the day upon the verge
where memory failed to warn
what was lost was found
as blood ran aplenty upon the ground.

Touch

Life lives
You and I
Embraced in arms
At night
Holding each other
Words falter
Through breaths
Hesitation exists
In your world
Of criticism
But when together
Laying on you
I feel your heart
Beating
Next to mine
Letting me in
Afraid to feel
Pleasure
Self doubting
Every action
With me
But I don’t need
To hear words
To believe
You want
To be here
Holding me
Unconditionally
When your hands
Wonder
Across my body
Touching me
Inside and out
Leaving me breathless
Wondering why
The harsh world
Would give me
A glimpse of heaven
Then return me
To a cruel world
That exists
Without you
When my heart
Agonizingly
Bleeds for your
Strong hands
Soft on my face
Lips
Breathing life into mine
Fingers
Wondering across
My body
Through uncharted territories
Exploring spaces
Hidden for you

Want

I’ve never been here before
Loving with all my heart
Giving everything I have
And yet I still want
There is nothing better
Than being next to you
Loving you in every moment
And yet I still want
You to love me
The way I do you
Getting what I give
Knowing you feel too
And yet I still want
For you to open your heart
To know that you care
That our feelings match
And yet I still want
Your touch
Your kiss
Your affection
Your soul
And yet I still want
What I can’t get
No matter how hard I try
I will have to learn
That I can’t get what I want

Laying Naked

Laying naked on your bed
I know I shouldn’t want this
But your laugh
Your smile
Your eyes
Make me stay
Laying naked on your bed
I am ashamed to say
That I would rather die
Than go another day
Without you
Against all I know
I long for your touch
Across my body
Exposed
Bare
Vulnerable
To a world that hurts
Except when I’m with you
Laying naked on your bed
Hearts beating
Bodies intertwined
Passion flying
And there I lay naked
In your strapping arms
Hearts together in unison
Making life stand still
And yet I wonder
If you will ever be able feel
The way I do about you
Giving you all of me
As I lay naked on your bed

hunger

hunger
your lips seeking mine
falling headlong into
forbidden love
removed from logic
by the tender caress
of your velvet lips and rosy tongue
as they flick and dance
over my weathered body
bringing life and passion
nearing the abyss
fanciful flirtations
dancing on the edge
butterflies in my chest
wanting your milk white skin
to reflect the brown of my hands
as they dance across pools of sinful pleasure
my mouth cannot take in enough of you
my eyes blinded my ears deafened
fear that i will not please
stretching out to touch your hand
as we pass by
unseen
hunger
for you

Darkness

Darkness surrounds me in the room
My heart beat is smothered by footsteps
In a room built for a child
Pink dolls whose mouths are sown shut
Eyes blackened from the night
Unable to provide the expected comfort
I am completely alone
Another vicious night of sadness
Heaven hath failed me once again
The monster's at the foot of the bed
Wanting to devour me
Salivating for soft flesh
The tears never hit my pillow
And not a sound escapes my lips
It is easier this way
Pretend like the Barbie dolls on the shelf
Allow him to howl at the pleasure
Praying he doesn't rip me to shreds
But no such luck this time
Forever will the darkness surround me

And So Life Goes

All that is given is not all that is gotten
All that is needed is not at all what is wanted
And so life goes
Hidden beneath the blanket of secrets
Fearing what resides
Inside
Me
All that is spoken is not all that is heard
All that is said is not at all what is believed
And so life goes
Deaf ears silenced with hate
Numbing
Me
All that is stolen is never given back
All that is broken is never restored
And so life goes
Without consequence
Pressing
Twisting
Pushing
Pulling
Me

cool breeze

silver shimmering notes wafting across

the air weaving an ebony cocoon.

while mocha and caramel ladies slink past

swaying in rhythm to the sinful reprise
then a cool breeze glides by chilling the air

as souls bounce to a steady beat

drifting towards the small dark man

sitting in the corner a smoky room

smoldering, watching , as heavy heaving breasts
and gyrating round bottoms strain against

ultra thin bonds struggling to escape

piecing together a scintillating scene of pain and discontent

of injustice and sexuality all

waiting for a cool breeze.

layers of herbal essence, and tobacco death

frame writhing angels and keep them from

melting into the bare tables covered in rye and gin

scatting soulful refrains

then cool breeze glides past and

takes his place on the cramped stage

a silver dagger he pulls from his

pocket brings to his lips

bone breaking sadness bleeds around

the edges of a mind

as he enthralls ass within his reach

sucking and blowing with mad delight

sharp quick jabs long cool melodies

reaching deep down to snag lost memories

and painful regrets

the blues ain't nuttin' but a good man

feeling bad

cool breeze